I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This is my gift to your gina
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
