I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
