I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
