Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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