Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She told me I should be a condom model.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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