wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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