foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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