So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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