I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
