new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
