We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize