How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
