apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
