Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I deserve this hangover.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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