you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
