just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
