I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
