foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Mom said you looked used
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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