Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
