Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
