I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
