I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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