when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
