someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
