She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
