Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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