her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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