i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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