Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
