I showed him my bush... on skype.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize