just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
NoShamevember. You game?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
