She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
