Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
