So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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