She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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