Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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