living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need a beard to bite.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
