Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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