well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
