I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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