what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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