Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
