First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
