My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
