Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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