Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
