how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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