we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
