I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
