I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the condom got lost in my hair
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
