It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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