No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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