I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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