i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Life is so much better after having sex.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
