When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
