i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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