Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
