Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
