Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Vodka?
Forever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
