Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
