yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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