I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Found the puke drawer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
