i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
