Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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